Of Mostly Other Stuff

• Every time I hear the turuturututuru chorus from the Dil toh Paagal Hai music album, I visualise, not Madhuri Dixit and Shah Rukh Khan, but Govinda and Aruna Irani from Haseena Maan Jayegi.
• The reason I love the Jabra fan song so much is because even though the words sound nonsensical, they perfectly sum up everything about fandom.
• For example, if you have been a fan of anyone (jabra or not) you would know how ‘tujhe dekhte hi dil mein dhan te nan ho gaya’ has deep meaning.
• Once a friend thought Benedict Cumberbatch looked like a 16 year old school girl. You bet I got touch-y.
• Also yes, uski aankhon ki garmi mein sar se paon tak tan hona is a thing.
• Epiphany of the week: Marketers have a very high capacity to bullshit. How else do you explain a razor brand calling itself Mach 3 when some of our satellite launch vehicles are unable to (and are not required to) reach those supersonic speeds?
• On VK Singh’s proposal to rename Akbar road to Maharana Pratap Road, I feel like an 80s Bollywood heroine who has been separated from her boyfriend by her parents because he is poor/ off-spring of sworn enemies/a creep who sexually harassed her into dating him. Uska naam signage se toh mita doge, dil se kaise mitaoge?
• Oh wait, the text-book editing may help.
• The Economic Survey says,

Decline in enrolment in government schools and some shift to private schools might be largely related to the poor quality of education offered in government schools, since it is free or offered for a nominal fee [bold italics mine]. 

• I know it’s only half a line of idiocy (in a government document, no less), and I know this is probably a result of poor editing than an insidious intent to privatise all education (since the author mentions the poor learning outcomes in private schools as well), but if I were idealistic and had an active twitter account, I would outrage about it.

Of News and Other Stuff 13

• Taking their philosophy of will-do-anything-for-a-fun-acronym further, the Power ministry has recently rehashed a barely year-old scheme to distribute LED bulbs to the poor. The scheme is called Unnat Jyoti Affordable LEDs for All (UJALA).
• I think allegations that the current PM micro-manages everything are false. Because then he would know that he had just launched the PM Ujjwal Yojana to provide LPG connections to poor women, besides an Ujjwal Discom Assurance Yojana (UDAY) last year. 
• Giving credit where it’s due, this bureaucratic (or prime ministerial) doggedness in naming schemes has led to a really pretty (for lack of a better word) name for India’s version of GPS--NAVIC or Navigation with Indian Constellation.
• Pratap Bhanu Mehta puts the visadenial issue in perspective. While others have been talking about how it shows up our weaknesses to deny the visa on technical grounds, after first having granted it, he asks whether we should use our visa granting policy as a tool of foreign policy at all. Especially since a visa for a conference is essentially a ‘visa for ideas’ and all ideas should be welcome in a liberal democracy.
• There is sometimes an odd joy in knowing trivia. The word ‘meander’ has become more lyrical to me since I registered that its etymology has to do with the erosional/ depositional action of rivers.
• I know that doesn’t sound too lyrical.
• I am ditching the use of the word ‘bhakt’. I will henceforth call them ‘jabra fan’. Just because.
• I realised recently, how these days we are doing a stellar job of sticking to the fundamental duties given in the Constitution. I wish I could say these were the sole preserve of Jabra fans but political leanings don't determine IQ.

Fundamental Duty	How we see it
Abide by the Constitution and respect its ideals and institutions	Demand beef ban, as per the DPSP
Respect the national flag and the national anthem	First heckle and abuse people who don’t stand up during the anthem that plays out before movies. Then initiate Twitter discussions on whether Vande Mataram would not have been a more appropriate choice for the anthem.
Follow the ideals that inspired the freedom struggle	Call for a ban on Bipan Chandra’s India’s Struggle for Independence for #Insultingourfreedomfighters without knowing who Surya Sen was.
Uphold the national sovereignty and integrity of the country	Hate people from JNU/ JU/ HCU
Defend the country and perform national service when called upon to do so	Uninstall the Snapdeal app because Aamir Khan voiced an opinion
Inculcate a spirit of enquiry, scientific temper and humanism	‘I failed because she mixed menstrual blood in my food.’
Promote harmony and spirit of common brotherhood among all people of India disregarding religious, linguistic and regional differences. Preserve India’s composite culture.	LoLz
Renounce practices derogatory to the dignity of women	Oppose criminalising marital rape because #marriageisasacrament #whathappensinthebedroomstaysin thebedroom #youthinkwomenhaverightshaha
Protect the environment	Call out the anti-Hindu conspiracy behind people opposing a private party being held on a precarious river-bank
Abjure violence and destruction of public property	Much Lolz
Ensure provision of opportunities for education for 6-14 year olds	Wants RTE to be repealed because “those madrassas” are exempt
Strive towards excellence in individual and collective activity	Yeah, I should probably get back to studying