Fish Preferred
Because fish is always preferred
Wednesday 28 June 2023
Things that made me happy
Wednesday 21 June 2023
I saw Into the Spiderverse last weekend, and wept copiously at a scene where Miles Morales's mother tells him that his parents are always concerned about him because in the real world, there is no one who might be rooting for Miles the way they do. She lets him go away if he promised that he would take care of that little child in him, like his parents. I think my weeping was because of the fact that it hit me that I had not loved myself as parents would. But also that I probably never had a family unit looking out for me that way. Or may did at one point - Baba, Dida, but do not have anymore. Honestly, though, I might be just finding new things to be sad about, because who has that system anyway?
(I mean I can't even say 'the Movies!' anymore, once Bollywood grew up).
Thursday 15 June 2023
Catching up
I haven't blogged here in three
years. I always assume nothing even happens in my life, unless I actually take
stock this way. Though to be honest, not much has changed at a fundamental
level.
I'm in the same job as before,
and complain about it just as much. I keep having epiphanies about how I can
completely change things (including my attitude) but it comes and goes. I'm
still overweight, and constantly struggling with it. And my phone conversations
with my mom are still of the yes-no-don't ask me so many questions variety.
This is all happening in a
different city though - Bangalore - where I have been living since December
2021. I got married in November of that year, to the man I was bellyaching
about in the drafts of this blog. Then suddenly towards the end of 2020, I
started feeling comfortable about the idea of marriage. I remember the exact
moment actually. I had just started a diet and kept admirable restraint on
myself all day, especially in the face of a tough work-day. At night, I had piled
on a carefully prepared and assiduously measured meal of rice and chicken, and
was just settling down into a video call with A, my partner in the then
'situationship'*, when I fully dropped my meal on the floor. And promptly burst
into tears.
I think the fact that he didn't
laugh at me (I know I might have if the situation were reversed) suddenly
made me feel that I could do marriage. I didn't admit it aloud immediately of course,
and went back on it many times in my head. But I guess realizing that a moment
is all it takes for things (including you) to change, can be weirdly
empowering?
Anyway, I moved to Bangalore
and hated the city with a lot of energy. Initially, I was completely working
from home. Then these kids joined from a University here, so I started going to
office more frequently. My colleagues are still kids though, so it's hard to be
friends with them. I joined a writing workshop too which gave me structure to
write, and an introduction to people I know, outside of work, who also don't
know A. That is still not the same as friendship as all of us are never
free at the same time, and more importantly, the safe space we had to talk
about deep, dark things while we were still doing the workshop, is not available
anymore. I miss that space.
This week I bought a car,
another thing I didn't expect to happen. I am learning to drive, I would
say, more from a sense of competition than a genuine desire to take to
the roads, despite the fact that I regularly have to bear the brunt of
Bangalore's bad public transport and lack of cabs. Perhaps my reluctance is
because of the fact that I also regularly bear the brunt of the terrible
traffic situation here. Anyway this messy urbanisation has led me to believe
that urban economics is my true calling. I'm watching some tutorial videos,
let's see if that interest sustains.
Shruti and I have decided to
start quizzing again. I'm not answering any questions yet, but we made and held
one quiz which was a bit of a hit amongst the six of us. I'm hoping that
continues. I am also working on a new story, though what I actually need is to
rework some of my existing ones and send them off for publication. That would
be a nice win, I think. [Ok will send at least one story today, SOMEWHERE].
I am also feeling something
personally that I don't know how to articulate. Or probably don't want to
articulate, for fear that it's incredibly childish. I think I am
feeling used. In the sense, that I find people have a sense of entitlement
towards my time and emotional and mental labour without me getting anything in
return. I don't know if this feeling is fair, in the sense that I reflected on
some of my own actions, and feel that I may have used (different) people too,
without giving them much in return. So I guess what I am feeling is a mix of
indignation at being used, and guilt at having used other people.
Is this how life is? Do we all
use each other?
*I did not know this word existed then. Google tells me it may refer to a sexual or romantic relationship that is not formally defined. I'm just choosing to assume that this holds for the arranged marriage - yes - no dynamic I was in.
Saturday 25 July 2020
Life in a Metro…in 2007
Wednesday 6 November 2019
Thinking about tech
Thursday 17 October 2019
Notes on reading
Also known as ek teer se do nishaane (re meeting my real life goals) .
I was reading today how Germans, during their period of hyperinflation were afflicted with cipher stroke. Where they would unnecessarily tack on zeros when reporting numbers. So if someone was asked the time, they could respond with 3000. This ex boss of mine was affected similarly with the dollar stroke. If asked to convert 300 million people to lacs, he was wont to multiply the number with 70.
Basu (in Economist in a Real World) spends a lot of time explaining how inflation management policy may not be as straightforward as commonly understood. So while in general, raising policy rates is supposed to be a way for liquidity tightening, it may not necessarily help if distortions lead to the rate settling at a situation of deficit liquidity. Assuming regular downward sloping demand for credit and upward sloping supply of credit curves, a raising of rates may mean that demand falls but supply rises, thus only exacerbating the liquidity and inflation situation.
The Economist recently covered a related policy niggle - the measurement of inflation itself, in a modern economy. For one, goods being consumed change every year, so statisticians may be quite behind in tracking inflation. In fact they never quite catch the first fall in prices of a good or service, that in fact, enables mass consumption. CPI measures not accounting for quality change is again a problem that is more notable for digital access goods than others. Controlling for quality, it's likely that digital access prices are falling, though the index itself will reflect otherwise.
More fundamentally, the CPI measure may mean nothing if critical goods and services have a price of zero, as is true for most digital platforms. This is a non trivial issue if you consider the fact that imputed rent (with no actual transaction backing it) is a part of price indices.
The Indian government is planning to import bull semen from Brazil to impregnate desi cows, in a bid to increase the milk output but some cattle breeders are protesting this love jihad. (No, I'm being flippant.)
To bypass liquidity constraints that farmers face due to delayed cash transfers (for instance in the case of fertiliser subsidies), the Government is mulling e wallets that will be pre loaded with cash, and will only be redeemable at PoS at the input suppliers'. I feel pressured to use PayTM now.
Pixel 4 would have been a hit with all the bengali pipu pishu types. Had they released it in India and had any bengali the capacity to buy it.
Tuesday 15 October 2019
Update on nothing
On the writing bit, I started a short story, for which I wrote one paragraph last night. And tonight I got hit by writer's block. So naturally, I revived the blog - where I let my mediocrity thrive.
Talking of mediocrity, I adapted Macbeth in Hindi. I think I should similarly mangle all of Shakespeare, while ensuring the women get the meaty dialogue, while playing with the men.
Now that I think about it some more, it's definitely an idea.
I want to write about something else here, but I will censor myself for the time being. But this is a placeholder, so that I remember to write about it in a couple of months. I'm sure my wide readership will not mind.