Sunday, 22 February 2015

A primer on how to deal with stupidity

Situation 1: there's a party in honour of one of your old colony friends (and I use the word very very loosely) who is about to get married. All the uncles and aunties who have seen you since you were three years old have gathered, along with their offspring. The would be bride's mother (who you have hated since you were three years old) asks you why you are getting so fat. Then asks if there isn't a nice Bengali brahmin boy in your office you could get married to.

Likely response: flash a fake smile and make a quick exit.

Optimal response: First, roll your eyes.
Then say: Yes, that's my life's ambition-to get married. And the only reason I have a job is that it works as a lovely mating ground for people looking to further the proliferation of their caste.

Situation 2: same setting as above. The uncles are discussing politics and current affairs. One of the uncles happens to be the top boss in an organisation in part responsible for Delhi's traffic mess. The would be bride's father tells him that it's difficult being the top boss anywhere. Men are so vulnerable you see, with random women throwing around accusations of harassment.

Likely response: you look up, taken aback for a second. Then pile chicken curry on your plate and make a quick exit.

Optimal response: First roll your eyes.
Then point out that besides getting married that is the other life ambition of women. Entrapping their powerful well connected bosses in false cases so that their personal and professional lives can be open for discussion in mainstream and online media and in drawing rooms of privileged men.

Situation 3: same setting as above. The bride is joking to younger girls around her that nothing ever comes out of studying.

Likely response: you laugh agreeably.

Optimal response: even though you agree, be a bitch and beg to differ. Say education begets jobs which can then be used to marry nice Bengali brahmin boys and entrap powerful well connected bosses in sexual harassment cases.

Situation 4: a young educated career woman in a position of authority tells you that Hindus in the country have taken enough shit. And it's time they did something about it.

Likely response: you roll your eyes.

Optimal response: just roll your eyes, just do.

Situation 5: a middle aged educated man says prostitution should be legalised. You nod in agreement because of all the logical advantages of this-sex workers stop being harassed by cops and pimps, more empowerment allows them to demand clients wear protection, more taxes for the country and so on. Then the man tells you his logic-it can help prevent rapes.

Likely response: you don't look up and continue to eat like nothing has happened.

Optimal response: yes, because you know rapists are not criminals or sociopaths. Just, naive sexually repressed young men. Plus whatever depraved acts they want to do, they can do with 'those' women. Our well behaved middle class women are safe - that's all that matters.

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